Speak from Your Heart: Soften Your Relationships with the Magic of "I-Messages"

Hi there! I'm Aries Yoko, your fortune teller and psychological counselor.

Do you ever find that when you want to convey your feelings to someone precious, it somehow turns into a fight or makes them upset? That might be because the subject of your sentences has become "You." Today, I’ll talk about "I-Statements," a magical way to deliver your true feelings without blaming the other person.

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🚫 The Trap of "You-Messages"

"Why don't (you) contact me?" "(You) always slack off on cleaning."

Speaking with "You" as the subject is called a "You-Message." When told this, the other person feels "I'm being blamed!" and might reflexively talk back or close their heart. It’s a waste because your true feelings won't reach them this way.

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💖 The Magical Switch! How to Create "I-Statements"

An I-Statement is a way of communicating where the subject is "I." By making your own emotions the subject, the other person doesn't feel attacked and can more easily accept your feelings.

• You-Message: "(You) should come home earlier!"

• I-Statement: "(I) would be very happy if you came home earlier."

• You-Message: "(You) aren't listening to me!"

• I-Statement: "(I) feel relieved when I'm listened to."

The point is to add your pure feelings (primary emotions) like "happy," "sad," "helpful," or "lonely" at the end.

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🌿 The "Mental Space" Brought by I-Statements

When you start using I-statements, the energy used to try and change the other person transforms into energy for "cherishing your own feelings." How the other person acts is their freedom, but conveying how you feel is yours. Don't try to control the result; just place your feelings there: "This is how I feel." That straightforwardness becomes the foundation for a comfortable relationship.

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✨ If You're Lost for Words, Ask the Cards for Your True Feelings

"I don't even know what my true feelings are..." In times like those, many different emotions might be tangled up inside you. Tarot cards are excellent at untangling those threads.

• "What were the words I truly wanted to convey?"
• "What is the true nature of this fog? What is 'I' saying?"

By accessing your true motives through the cards, I-statements will start to come out of your mouth more naturally and warmly.

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In Closing

With just one word, the distance between you and another person can shrink significantly. Start by sending an I-statement to yourself: "I feel like this right now."

If you're worrying about a relationship, count on Aries Yoko! Together with the Tarot, I'll work hard to find hints for your hearts to connect.